Sunday, 23 April 2017

7 Lies Of Success That You Must Practice

"The mind is its own place, and in it self Can make a Heaven of Hell, a Hell of Heaven"
-John Molton

The world we live in is the world we choose to live in, whether consciously or unconsciously. If we choose bliss, that's what we get. If we choose misery, we get that, too. As we learned in the last article, belief is the foundation of excellence. Our beliefs are specific, consistent organisational approaches to perception. They're the fundamental choices we make about how to perceive our lives and thus how to live them. They're how we turn on or turn off our brain. So the first step toward excellence is to find the beliefs that guide us toward the outcomes we want.

The path to success consists of knowing your outcome, taking action, knowing what results you're getting, and having the flexibility to change until you're successful. The same is true of beliefs. You have to find the beliefs that support your outcome - the beliefs that get you where you want to go. If your beliefs don't do that, you have to throw them out and try something new.

People are sometimes put off when I talk about "lies" of success. Who wants to live by lies? But all I mean is that we don't know how the world really is. We don't know if the line is concave or convex. We don't know if our beliefs are true or false. What we can know, though, is if they work - if they support us, if they make our lives richer, if they make us better people, if they help us and help others.

The word "lies" is used in this article as a consistent reminder that we do not know for certain exactly how things are. Once we know the line is concave, for example, we are no longer free to see it as convex. The word "lie" does not mean "to be deceitful or dishonest" but, rather, is a useful way to remind us that no matter how much we believe in a concept, we should be open to other possibilities and continuous learning. I suggest you look at these seven beliefs and decide whether they're useful for you. I've found them time and again in successful people. To model excellence, we have to start with the belief systems of excellence.

Belief # 1: Everything happens for a reason and purpose, and it serves us.

Remember the story of W. Mitchell? What was the central belief that helped him overcome adversity? He decided to take what happened to him and make it work for him in whatever way he could. In the same way, all successful people have the uncanny ability to focus on what is possible in a situation, what positive results could come from it. No matter how much negative feedback they get from their environment, they think in terms of possibilities. They think that everything happens for a reason, and it serves them. They believe that every adversity contains the seed of an equivalent or greater benefit.

I can guarantee you that people who produce outstanding results think this way. Think about it in your own life. There are an infinite number of ways to react to any situation. Let's say your business fails to get a contract you had counted on, one that you were certain you deserved. Some of us would be hurt and frustrated. We might sit home and mope or go out and get drunk. Some of us would be mad. We might blame the company that awarded the contract, figuring they were a bunch of ignorant individuals. Or we might blame our own people for ruining a sure thing.

All of that might allow us to let off some steam, but it doesn't help us. It doesn't bring us any closer to our desired outcome. It takes a lot of discipline to be able to retrace your steps, learn painful lessons, mend fences, and take a good look at new possibilities. But that's the only way to get a positive outcome from what seems like a negative result. Take a moment to think again about your beliefs. Do you generally expect things to work out well or to work out poorly? Do you expect your best efforts to be successful, or do you expect them to be thwarted? Do you see the potential in a situation, or do you see the roadblocks? Many people tend to focus on the negative more than the positive. The first step toward changing that is to recognise it. Belief in limits creates limited people. The key is to let go of those limitations and operate from a higher set of resources. The leaders in our culture are the people who see the possibilities, who can go into a desert and see a garden. Impossible? What happened in Israel? If you have a strong belief in possibility, it's likely you'll achieve it.

Belief # 2: There is no such thing as failure. There are only results.

This is almost a corollary belief to number one, and it's equally important on its own. Most people in our culture have been programmed to fear this thing called failure. Yet, all of us can think of times when we wanted one thing and got another. We've all flunked a test, suffered through a frustrating romance that didn't work out, put together a business plan only to see everything go awry. I've used the words "outcome" and "results" throughout this book because that's what successful people see. They don't see failure. They don't believe in it. It doesn't compute. People always succeed in getting sort of results. The super successes of our culture aren't people who do not fail, but simply people who know that if they try something and it doesn't give them what they want, they've had a learning experience. They use what they've learned and simply try something else. They take some new actions and produce some new results. Think about it. What is the one asset, the one benefit you have today over yesterday? The answer, of course, is experience. People who fear failure make internal representations of what might not work in advance. This is what keeps them from taking the very action that could ensure the accomplishment of their desires. Are you afraid of failure? Well, how do you feel about learning? You can learn from every human experience and can thereby always succeed in anything you do.

Mark Twain once said, "There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist." He's right. People who believe in failure are almost guaranteed a mediocre existence. Failure is something that is just not perceived by people who achieve greatness. They don't dwell on it. They don't attach negative emotions to something that doesn't work. Belief in failure is a way of poisoning the mind. When we store negative emotions, we affect our physiology, our thinking process, and our state. One of the greatest limitations for most people is their fear of failure. Dr. Robert Schuller, who teaches the concept of possibility thinking, asks a great question: "What would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail?" Think about it. How would you answer that? If you really believed you could fail, you might take a whole new set of actions and produce powerful new desirable results. Wouldn't you be better off trying them? Isn't that the only way to grow? So I suggest you start realising right now that there's no such thing as failure. There are only results. You always produce a result. If it's not the one you desire, you can just change your actions and you'll produce new results and commit yourself to learning from every experience.

Belief # 3: Whatever happens, take responsibility.

Another attribute great leaders and achievers have in common is that they operate from the belief that they create their world. The phrase you'll hear time and again is, "I am responsible. I'll take care of it." It's not coincidental you hear the same viewpoint over and over. Achievers tend to believe that no matter what happens, whether it's good or bad, they created it. If they didn't cause it by their physical actions, maybe they did by the level and tenor of their thoughts. Now, I don't know if this is true. No scientist can prove that our thoughts create our reality. But it's a useful lie. It's an empowering belief. That's why I choose to believe in it. I believe that we generate our experiences in life - either by behaviour or by thought - and that we can learn from all of them.

If you don't believe that you're creating your world, whether it be your success or your failures, then you're at the mercy of circumstances. Things just happen to you. You're an object, not a subject. Let me tell you, if I had that belief, I'd check out now and look for another culture, another world, another planet. Why be here if you're just the product of random outside forces? Taking responsibility is in my opinion one of the best measures of a person's power and maturity. It's also an example of beliefs supporting other beliefs, of the synergistic capabilities of a coherent system of beliefs. If you don't believe in failure, if you know you'll achieve your outcome, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain by taking responsibility. If you're in control, you'll succeed.

Belief #4: It's not necessary to understand everything to be able to use everything.

Many successful people live by another useful belief. They don't believe they have to know everything about something in order to use it. They know how to use what's essential without feeling a need to get bogged down in every detail of it. If you study people who are in power, you'll find they have a working knowledge about a lot of things but often have little mastery of each and 'every' detail of their enterprise.

Belief #5: People are your greatest resource.

Individuals of excellence - that is, people who produce outstanding results - almost universally have a tremendous sense of respect and appreciation for people. They have a sense of team, a sense of common purpose and unity. The companies that succeeded were the ones that treated people with respect and with dignity, the companies that viewed their employees as partners, not as tools. We have to constantly remain alert, readjust our behaviour, and re-calibrate our actions to make sure we're going where we want to go. To say you treat people with respect and to do it are not the same thing. Those who succeed are the most effective in saying to others, "How can we do this better?" "How can we fix this?" "How can we produce greater results?" They know that one man alone, no matter how brilliant, will find it very difficult to match the collaborative talents of an effective team.

Belief #6: Work is play.

Do you know any person who has achieved massive success by doing what he hates? I don't. One of the keys to success is making a successful marriage between what you do and what you love. Pablo Picasso once said, "When I work, I relax; doing nothing or entertaining visitors makes me tired."

Maybe we don't paint as well as Picasso, but we can all do our best to find work that invigorates and excites us. And we can bring to whatever we do at work many of the aspects of what we do at play. Mark Twain said, "The secret of success is making your vocation your vacation." That's what successful people seem to do.

Researchers are finding surprising things about some workaholics. There are some people who seem maniacally focused on work because they love it. It challenges them, it excites them, it makes their life richer. These people tend to look at work the way most of us look at play. They see it as a way to stretch themselves, to learn new things, to explore new avenues. I'm not suggesting you should choose to orient your world around your work. But I am suggesting that you will enrich your world and enrich your work if you bring to it the same curiosity and vitality you bring to your play.

Belief #7: There's no abiding success without commitment.

Individuals who succeed have a belief in the power of commitment. If there's a single belief that seems almost inseparable from success, it's that there's no great success without great commitment. If you look at successful people in any field, you'll find they're not necessarily the best and the brightest, the fastest and the strongest. You'll find they're the ones with the most commitment. The great Russian ballerina Anna Pavlova once said, "To follow, without halt, one aim: there's the secret of success." It's just your outcome, model what works, take action, develop the sensory acuity to know what you're getting, and keep refining it until you get what you want. Commitment is an important component of success in any field. Yet the bottom line is are you willing to pay the price? I like to use the term W.I.T. - Whatever It Takes. Successful people are willing to do whatever it takes to succeed. That, as much as anything else, is what separates them from the pack.


Quote for the day

"One of the huge mistakes people make is that they try to force an interest on themselves. You don't choose your passions; your passions choose you." - Jeff Bezos

Saturday, 22 April 2017

15 Habits of Highly Miserable People

By Paula Lawes

The definition of a miserable person is wretchedly unhappy or uncomfortable. That is pretty spot on don’t you think? When a person is miserable they never see or expect the good in anything and always try to make those around them feel just as bad and negative as them. Being miserable is a way of life for some people because they get sympathy, constant reassurance from other miserable people and a sense of self, defined by whatever circumstance they find themselves in.

Unfortunately, highly miserable people are much more accepted in society as opposed to someone that is happy and upbeat all the time, who can be looked at as ‘weird’ or ‘strange’.

If you are tired of being miserable and want a happy existence on this planet, I’ve come up with a few habits of highly miserable people. If you can identify and change one around you’ll be well on your way to a good life again!

1. They are never thankful for anything

Being grateful and thankful for anything in a highly miserable person’s life is a big no! When a person shows gratitude they should do it from a point of view of happiness and are usually ten times more likely to be thankful for things they already have rather than the things they don’t. If you are a miserable person, you’ll avoid any expressions of gratitude at all costs because it goes against what you believe. You’ll think that counting your blessings is a waste of time and life will always be full of something to be ungrateful about.

2. They lead a very unadventurous life

Highly miserable people lead a dull, boring and unadventurous life. They ensure that you have a mundane existence, with no fun, no possibility or excitement and then complain about it! When life is unadventurous and boring, they’ll start to believe that they are boring and project that upon other people. Life is predictable as far as a highly miserable person is concerned. TV is a big activity in this kind of life coupled with addiction and other mediocre activities such as reading tabloid papers and celebrity magazines, none of which stimulate or invigorate the body or mind.

3. They live in and glorify the past

We’ve all done it, said things like ‘it was so much better when I was a kid’ except highly miserable people tend to live their lives stuck in the past rather than remembering it fondly and moving on. They’ll talk about what has happened, what they have done and what it was like back then, saying that life has only gone downhill since. When a highly miserable people vilify the past, they refer to it as being born in the wrong place at the wrong time, or life when they were a kid was unhappy and they never got what they wanted.

4. They do things for personal gain

“All the happiness in the world stems from wanting others to be happy, and all the suffering in the world stems from wanting the self to be happy.”
– Shantideva

Being self-centred and only doing things for personal gain is an extreme habit of a highly miserable person. Life is about having and gaining more and getting it no matter how they get it, even at the expense of others. They’ll surround themselves with like-minded people and even take on ‘professions’ that involve criminal activities. They’ll have no qualm about taking from others or acting as if they are doing good whereas their intentions are not so.

5. They are afraid of economic loss

Fear is a good habit to have if you want to be a highly miserable person. Fear will keep miserable people from doing a job they absolutely hate; it will make them work long unbearable hours working for a company that doesn’t care about its employees. They’ll be greedy and stingy with money, generosity isn’t even in their vocabulary and if it is, there will be personal gain involved. They’ll become ill because of their money worries, probably depressed and lose friends/family as a result. If they could, they’d sit and worry all day long, thinking about what they could lose if they took a risk, left their job or tried something different.

6. They love to pick fights

Every now and again a highly miserable person will pick a fight out of the blue with someone close to them. They usually pick a fight about something absurd and completely unrelated to their current situation. Secondly, they’ll expect that person to respond with kindness and sympathy and if they don’t, they’ll be quick to point it out. If however the other party mentions it again, they’ll be sure to make it seem as if they don’t know what they are talking about and that they never intended for the situation to occur. They’ll quickly act to be hurt and be the victim, even though they started the fight.

7. They blame others and play the victim

Highly miserable people are brilliant at blaming their parents, because, after all, they were the ones who brought them to this world and shaped who they were. Typically, they’ll also blame the bully who bullied them as a kid, a teacher who didn’t like them or a friend who never wanted to do what they wanted to do. Blame is essential; it must never be forgotten and used almost every single day to ensure miserableness is continued.

8. They think people’s intentions towards them are always dishonourable

They’ll take any remark, comment or opinion the wrong way believing that whoever gave it is trying to insult, belittle or put them down. They believe that humiliation is at the forefront of most people’s intentions of which will make a highly miserable person distrustful, resentful and always on the defence. Miserable people expect the very worst from people and can’t imagine a person acting on good intentions.

9. They will give themselves a negative identity and revel in it

To be highly miserable they must, without doubt, ensure that any perceived emotional problem absorbs their very core. For example, if they suffered from anxiety, depression, grief of some sort they’d make sure it defines them as a person. They also have the habit of making sure everyone knows exactly what’s wrong with them. They make this the focus of their life, talking about it constantly, and bringing it up at every opportunity. The highly miserable people will ensure that they know about their ‘condition’ inside and out, reading up on it and knowing all the symptoms.

10. They will make sure they are involved in other people’s drama

They will be the centre point of all the drama in their lives and others’. This will include family and community dramas, so that they can be the person that people will turn to, to share their miserableness with and to help carry the drama to new levels. Exaggerating situations and consoling others with their own sorry stories about how life has dealt them a cruel hand.

11. They always expect the worst

Life sucks and all the bad stuff happens to them, is the mantra of a miserable person. Optimism for the future is nonsense and being positive will only be done in vain. Their marriage probably won’t work out, their children are bad and don’t love them, their house will fall apart and their job is an unbearable chore. If a disaster is going to happen, it will most certainly happen to these people, and they definitely won’t be surprised.

12. They focus only on themselves

Highly miserable people focus on themselves, their needs and their problems, as nobody else’s issues or struggles are as bad as theirs. They will worry all the time about why they do things, why they behave in certain ways, while analyzing their flaws and chewing over their problems.

13. They are critical of everything

Nothing is good enough, nothing works and nothing makes a highly miserable person happy. They will be critical of everything whether people agree with them or not. Miserable people will always voice their opinion before everyone else. They will criticize something that someone loves just to make sure their point is heard. They love to antagonise and truly believe they are always right while everyone else is always wrong.

14. They worry too much

Worry makes people miserable, so a highly miserable person will make sure to do plenty of that! They won’t listen to reasons and will be obsessed with situations and things they have no control over. Worrying feeds into their misery so it’s only natural that these types of people are worrisome by nature.

15. They are envious of other people’s success

Miserable people won’t outright say they are envious of other people’s successes, what they will do however, is to put down other people’s achievements and successes by pointing out the negatives or downplaying the news so the other person’s excitement is immediately deflated. When someone is happy, a highly miserable person will make sure to point out all that could possibly go wrong in great detail!

If you feel as though you have some or all the traits of a highly miserable person, now is the time to change some of these habits so you can be a happier, cheerful and more successful person.

Quote for the day

"Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful." - Albert Schweitzer